The line between success and failure can be fine, but once we trip over it, we cannot always raise ourselves to the other side. I knew an evening class would be grueling, but I thought it doable. I had been away for the weekend, driving up the East Coast on a workday Monday was stressful, but we pulled into the driveway at 5:40 pm and if I hustled I could make the 6:00 pm in Harvard Square. I know the Bikram yoga class times like others know train schedules. I raced into the studio with two minutes to spare, changed into my yoga shorts and took a spot toward the back.
For the next ninety minutes everything went wrong. I was too full from lunch, the room was too hot, too humid; I could not focus my mind. I stretched though half moon and awkward pose, but got dizzy on eagle. I fell out of standing head to knee, twice, and by the time we got to dancer pose I was standing in a shallow pool of my own sweat. Each pose got feebler until I took a knee at triangle. I tried to navigate head to knee but by the first sabasana I was finished. Midway through the spine series I left the room – a Bikram failure.
I am suffering yoga block. In the past month I’ve sat out more poses than I have in over 900 classes; twice I’ve had to leave the room. Some days the humidity feels like a choke hold around my neck. I still have great days when I leave class limber and energized, but a weariness plagues me. I am committed to completing my 1000 class mark, but I wonder if perhaps I need a breather, something lighter, some cooler air in my quest for fitness and mental clarity.